8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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