she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
