The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
