Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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