Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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