The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
