you traded sex for a burrito?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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