with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
