My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
