my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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