I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
