I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
