My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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