Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
