Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
