It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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