I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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