so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
