i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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