we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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