You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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