He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
