I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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