At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
