yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
