she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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