Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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