So drunk its hurt
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
