i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
