I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
