Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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