I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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