get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
