i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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