Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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