she smelled like a LAN party
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
