My sheets look like a crime scene.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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