i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
