So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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