So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
