Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
please don't ironically join a cult
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