Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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