Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
