Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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