Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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