Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
