Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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