this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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