I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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