You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize