Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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