just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
