my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
