The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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