Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
