Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
