$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
