Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
