like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i drank out of a bidet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
