I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
