I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
