thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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