you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
