the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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