I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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