we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
