I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're like the curious george of whores
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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