haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
