In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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