How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
