pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We talked him into tasing himself.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
