i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
