shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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