my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
