dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
