Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
