all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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